Neuro-Cinematics
So I heard this thing on the radio the other day about yet another attempt to predict the success of films. Over the years I’ve heard of many a snake oil salesman (successfully) pitching their “scientific” methods of determining what will be a profitable, blockbuster film to Hollywood studio execs. The latest is called neuro-cinematics.
Sixty-four sensors placed on the heads of the audience to detect their brainwaves and chart their enjoyment of a movie. The highs, the lows, the surprises, the anticipation – what a great idea! Right? I mean, if we can analyze concrete data and see precisely what people like then we’ll never have to make another bad movie again! Everyone can be number one at the box office all the time!
Do I sound sarcastic? I’m not. I truly think this is fantastic.
See as a writer – the most hated of all film business personnel – this will be wonderful. Don’t get me wrong, I love being creative, writing from the heart and all that crap but that’s neither here nor there when you really get down to it. Because when the long road toward getting all those inspired words from the page onto the screen begins it usually means having to defend your work to others. And not just any “others” – producers, most likely, who have a deep sense of intimidation and fear about accepting that your script is really as good as you think it is.
The fact is, you’re probably both wrong. The script probably isn’t as strong as you think it is, nor is it as bad as they want you to believe it is. But if this neuro-cinematics thing pans out, then hey: “To the brain scans!”
No more arguing. No more debate. Science to the rescue. “See, you illiterate producer piece of shit, John Q. Fatslob loved that twist on page 71.”
“Ah, but he hated your self-indulgent rant on page 45, you arrogant sad sack of unkempt flop sweat of a writer.”
It’s utopic, really. Here’s to neuro-cinematics. Here’s to the future.
